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WHAT TO DO WHEN EVERYONE IS DOING BETTER THAN YOU

There will come a point in your life where everyone will be doing better than you. If you haven’t experienced it yet, then get excited! One day it will come unexpectedly in the mail, and you will feel like such, a, dick. This point in life may come quicker if you give up financial stability to pursue your dreams. I …

tunnel drive

LOVE LETTER 2020

Sometimes I still think about you. Sometimes I imagine you looking at my Facebook profile and being a little impressed and a little jealous that you’re not the one doing that thing with me, or being in that place with me, or posing in that quirky restaurant photo with me. But sometimes I imagine you being relieved that you’re not …

sunset on water in distance

HOW TO BE HAPPY: THE 80/20 PRINCIPLE

Lately I’ve been trying, with much laziness and distraction, to conquer depression—to not only conquer it, but to brutally torture and murder it with repeated and frightening strikes of joy and laughter. One exercise I gathered from reading The 80/20 Principle was to think of the things that made me happy, and to spend more time and effort on those …

womans legs

TIM

I spent some time with Tim. Tim is similar to I am, except he’s not similar to me at the same time. He constantly thinks and talks about women. He makes sure every conversation we have ends up about a sexual encounter with a woman of some sort. I once asked him about his gym routine and he ended the …

building your castle

BUILDING YOUR CASTLE

I used to always fantasise about meeting a classy woman in a bar, overseas, while drinking a cocktail as some pianist played Fly Me To The Moon in the background. I pictured it being just like the movies: she’d be sitting across from me, and I’d glance up at her and say something witty, and she’d say something witty back, …

looking out the window

THE ARTIST

I met the artist a few years ago. I didn’t know how serious of an artist she was then—I thought what she drew was merely a hobby: she showed me sketches of a couple in a park, a guy with a scarf, a cloud wondering if it had done the right thing over the summer. She never dressed or looked …

this happened a long time ago

THIS HAPPENED A LONG TIME AGO, BUT…

This happened a long time ago, maybe ten years ago, back when I was studying. I didn’t know that many women but there was one I met in class one day. She wrote this on my notepad: What’s your name? Dean. Want to have lunch? Okay. And we had lunch and I instantly fell in love. I was so desperate …

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LOVE ROLLER COASTER

I’d been hearing a lot of nonsense about the importance of walking so one day I skipped work and went for a five-hour walk. I was hoping that some kind of miracle would happen as a result of doing that walk. I was hoping, as some kind of reward for undertaking such a momentous sacrifice, that I’d instantly become more …

getting old whiskey bar

YOU’RE GETTING OLD AND THIS IS HOW YOU’LL DEAL WITH IT

It was with great disappointment that I found myself at peace. I hadn’t been clubbing in years, and I refused to go, so instead I drove Vail to the clubs and just sat in my car, in the Valley, on floor five of the parking lot or something, and making sure all my windows were closed I looked out towards …

old dark alleyway

FAT GOOD LUCK CHARM

“Have you met Brisbane’s good luck charm?” Jude asked me. “No and I don’t want to,” I said. I turned to Vail: “Do you want to meet Brisbane’s good luck charm?” Vail had her sunglasses on and she was driving. “Dean,” she started, sighing, “your stories… have I ever told you about your stories? They need to have an arc. …