THE NUMBER OF STARS IN THE SKY REPRESENT THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU
The number of stars in the sky represent the number of people who don’t care about you.
STEALING FROM A RICH FRIEND
According to some friends, she came from old money but also owned some tech startup, and according to some friends, she’d just raised one hundred million dollars… So began my plan to find as many ways as possible to rip her off.
BILLY BEING DIAGNOSED WITH THAT FACE
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TARA BEING TOTALLY UNIQUE BY TAKING A CHEERS BOOMERANG PIC WITH THE GIRLS
Tara being totally unique…
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU’RE IN YOUR 30S AND LIFE BECOMES OVERWHELMING
Are you in your thirties and like, feeling a little bit overwhelmed by the pressures of it all? Have you ever been stuck in traffic one day while listening to a podcast or Spotify or something, and all of a sudden, you felt anxious and afraid, and you wondered: What am I doing with my life? Well, don’t worry. As …
GEORGIA UPLOADING ANOTHER POST ABOUT HOW MUCH BETTER HER LIFE IS THAN YOUR SHITTY MISERABLE ONE
Georgia uploading another post about how much better her life is than your shitty miserable one.
WHAT TO DO WHEN EVERYONE IS DOING BETTER THAN YOU
There will come a point in your life where everyone will be doing better than you. If you haven’t experienced it yet, then get excited! One day it will come unexpectedly in the mail, and you will feel like such, a, dick. This point in life may come quicker if you give up financial stability to pursue your dreams. I …
VIRGIN VINCE GETTING THAT SPECIAL PRISON TREATMENT
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WE ALL COME FROM DUST
The dust, this water, it comes from the dead and it comes from the living. The pain and the joy—it’s all recycled, we’re always sharing a piece of each other. There are bits of people within all of us, there are bits of people outside of all of us.
ED ADDING LOL TO EVERY MESSAGE TO MAKE THINGS LESS SERIOUS THAN THEY ACTUALLY ARE
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FACT. 7 BILLION PEOPLE DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU.
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LOVE LETTER 2020
Sometimes I still think about you. Sometimes I imagine you looking at my Facebook profile and being a little impressed and a little jealous that you’re not the one doing that thing with me, or being in that place with me, or posing in that quirky restaurant photo with me. But sometimes I imagine you being relieved that you’re not …
BARRY WILL BE OUT IN A MINUTE
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BERNIE ABOUT TO FEED HIS WIFE SOME BS
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BRAD’S LITTLE GUY SENDING HIM MIXED MESSAGES AGAIN
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HOW TO BE HAPPY: THE 80/20 PRINCIPLE
Lately I’ve been trying, with much laziness and distraction, to conquer depression—to not only conquer it, but to brutally torture and murder it with repeated and frightening strikes of joy and laughter. One exercise I gathered from reading The 80/20 Principle was to think of the things that made me happy, and to spend more time and effort on those …
THIS STORY IS DEDICATED TO A MAN IN A COMA
Some time ago Christie’s step brother fell into a coma. Apparently he was having sex with his wife, and apparently all of a sudden he closed his eyes and didn’t open them again. Everyone prayed for him, and the next day, in hospital, he opened his eyes and acted as though nothing had ever happened. It’s a miracle! we exclaimed, …
SIGNS YOU’RE OLD
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I’M BACK
Some time ago I became consumed by stress so I quit my job and promised to finally work on my next book. But before finally working on my next book I travelled, and when I returned home from travelling I promised to finally work on my next book. But when I returned home from travelling I took on a part …
WORLD PEACE HAS ARRIVED
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WILLY SEARCHING REALLY HARD FOR AN EXCUSE TO CHEAT ON HIS GIRLFRIEND
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THE STD FAIRY SPRINKLING HER LOVE
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RETURNING HOME AFTER A LONG TRIP
The end of my travels reminded me of the end of my relationship with Kessie. This was about five years ago: Kessie had largish ears, a couple of tattoos, a flat arse and was an amazing lover. I was a horrible person to her, and, for no good reason, one day decided to stop talking to her. She called me …
SAMMY THE SUN JUST GAVE YOU SKIN CANCER
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PHILIPPA IS A TRANSGENDER, TRANSRACIAL VEGAN FEMINIST AND NATURE ACTIVIST. PHILIPPA ALSO NEVER PAYS HER FRIENDS BACK AND HIDES HER WALLET WHEN SHE SEES BROWN PEOPLE.
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DARREN LOOKING HARD FOR SOMEONE TO BLAME HIS LIFE PROBLEMS ON
Darren looking hard for someone to blame his life problems on
AN INSPIRING ENTREPRENEUR THINKING OF NEW AND EXCITING WAYS TO WASTE YOUR MONEY
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CARLOS TRYING TO KILL HIS ERECTION IN PUBLIC
Carlos trying to kill his erection in public
BOBBY HAS NO FRIENDS
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THE OLD OLD HOUSE IN THE OLD OLD VILLAGE
Christie and I didn’t meet much when I went travelling, but once in a while she’d join me. She went with me to this old village. I had no idea how old it was, but everything about it seemed ancient: there was no electricity, there were no doors and all the houses looked like they were made of stone. But …
ANNA SEARCHING FOR PROBLEMS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP THAT DON’T EXIST
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JAMES TRYING TO UNDERSTAND YOUR BULLSHIT
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YOUR FRIENDS ARE PLOTTING AGAINST YOU
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WAITING IN THE PHILIPPINES
We went to the National Museum of Fine Arts in Manila, and near the entrance was a large room, and in that large room was one enormous painting, the Spoliarium. My cousin and I looked at it for a while: at the bodies, at the audience, at the stroke work, then at the people taking selfies in front of the …
JENNA VOLUNTEERING TO BE THAT FRIEND WHO CRIES ON THE SIDEWALK AFTER A NIGHT OF DRINKING
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KEN’S THE GUY WHO RUINS EVERYONE’S NIGHT BY CHANGING THE SONG EVERY THIRTY SECONDS
We all know Ken. We all know the guy who changes the song every thirty seconds. Let’s stop Ken today.
GEORGIA TAKING HER DAILY DOSE OF SEXISM IN THE WORKPLACE
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WHAT YOU MUST DO ONCE YOU LEARN HOW TO FLY
Most people, when I ask them what they’d do if they had more time and money, say that they would travel more. I wonder how many people truly mean it. I wonder how many people, when actually given more time and money, would actually “travel”. Where would they go? What would they do? What would they be afraid of leaving …
RACHEL READING A BOOK ABOUT HOW SHE SHOULD NEVER FORM HER OWN OPINIONS ABOUT ANYTHING
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JASON CHOOSING WHERE TO GET PUNISHED FOR HIS POOR LIFE CHOICES
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HOW TO COMFORT PEOPLE WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO COMFORT PEOPLE
I committed the next three months to not drinking alcohol. What I miss about alcohol is how much easier life gets when you drink it. With alcohol, it’s easier to embarrass yourself, it’s easier to make friends, it’s easier to laugh, it’s easier to hug people and it’s so much easier to get away with doing the things you’ve always …
CHARLIE JUST SOLD HIS LIFE
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KIM IS BLIND
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BEING NAKED IN JAPAN
It was a fresh morning, and we were in an island in Batanes, and on that morning we were driving along a hillside overlooking the ocean: the ocean waves were a calming music, the sun was emerging over the lush, green hills, and on those hills were friendly trees who cradled colourful leaves that danced among the colorful wind, and …
TIM
I spent some time with Tim. Tim is similar to I am, except he’s not similar to me at the same time. He constantly thinks and talks about women. He makes sure every conversation we have ends up about a sexual encounter with a woman of some sort. I once asked him about his gym routine and he ended the …
HAIRY HANNAH CAN’T WAIT TO BE OFFENDED…
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STORY OF MY LIFE
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THE KILLING OF ALL DISTRACTIONS
Have you ever just… thought? Not just regular, day-to-day thoughts, but actual, concentrated thoughts that ask the questions you’re afraid to ask and answer the questions you’re afraid to answer: What am I doing here? Why am I doing what I’m doing? What do I actually want if I strip away my insecurities, my fears and the influence and pressures …
GEORGE GETTING READY
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THE BALCONY
The poor guy and the rich girl had one thing in common: their mutual hatred of each other. This was unfortunate because of two major reasons: One: they believed themselves to be generally good people. But running into each other brought out each other’s worst characteristics, characteristics they found difficult to disguise. And they often ran into each other often …