fbpx
walter drowning in his girlfriends bullshit

WALTER DROWNING

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor. Subscribe for free stuff.

building your castle

BUILDING YOUR CASTLE

I used to always fantasise about meeting a classy woman in a bar, overseas, while drinking a cocktail as some pianist played Fly Me To The Moon in the background. I pictured it being just like the movies: she’d be sitting across from me, and I’d glance up at her and say something witty, and she’d say something witty back, …

little sammy just lost his foreskin

SORRY ABOUT THAT LITTLE SAMMY

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.

rich people are happier than you

RICH PEOPLE ARE HAPPIER THAN YOU

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.

this cute little sperm is gonna grow up

THIS CUTE LITTLE FELLA…

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.

wiping that smug look off your face

GETTING READY TO WIPE THAT SMUG LOOK OFF YOUR FACE

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.

looking out the window

THE ARTIST

I met the artist a few years ago. I didn’t know how serious of an artist she was then—I thought what she drew was merely a hobby: she showed me sketches of a couple in a park, a guy with a scarf, a cloud wondering if it had done the right thing over the summer. She never dressed or looked …

this happened a long time ago

THIS HAPPENED A LONG TIME AGO, BUT…

This happened a long time ago, maybe ten years ago, back when I was studying. I didn’t know that many women but there was one I met in class one day. She wrote this on my notepad: What’s your name? Dean. Want to have lunch? Okay. And we had lunch and I instantly fell in love. I was so desperate …

timmy ruined your swimming pool

TIMMY RUINED YOUR SWIMMING POOL

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.    

looking outside a square window into the city

LOVE LETTER 500

Can there ever be drama without someone dying, or someone leaving, or someone lying, or someone cheating? Can there ever be a love story when there’s no one there to love? You used to ask me these things things all the time as you sat with your blank notepad on your lap, looking out over the balcony for answers. At …

chris pretending to be interested

CHRIS PRETENDING TO BE INTERESTED

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.

love-roller-coaster---abstract-image

LOVE ROLLER COASTER

I’d been hearing a lot of nonsense about the importance of walking so one day I skipped work and went for a five-hour walk. I was hoping that some kind of miracle would happen as a result of doing that walk. I was hoping, as some kind of reward for undertaking such a momentous sacrifice, that I’d instantly become more …

boyfriend calculating a way to take you for granted

BOYFRIEND CALCULATING THE WAYS TO TAKE YOU FOR GRANTED

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.

getting old whiskey bar

YOU’RE GETTING OLD AND THIS IS HOW YOU’LL DEAL WITH IT

It was with great disappointment that I found myself at peace. I hadn’t been clubbing in years, and I refused to go, so instead I drove Vail to the clubs and just sat in my car, in the Valley, on floor five of the parking lot or something, and making sure all my windows were closed I looked out towards …

fruits for your butt

FRUITS FOR YOUR BUTT

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.

old dark alleyway

FAT GOOD LUCK CHARM

“Have you met Brisbane’s good luck charm?” Jude asked me. “No and I don’t want to,” I said. I turned to Vail: “Do you want to meet Brisbane’s good luck charm?” Vail had her sunglasses on and she was driving. “Dean,” she started, sighing, “your stories… have I ever told you about your stories? They need to have an arc. …

Artistic eye background - love

BURNING ALL EX-GIRLFRIEND MEMORIES

I used to be a hoarder. I used to never want to let go of anything. Whenever time would try to drag something away from me, I’d pull onto it for my dear life. The other day, I decided to let that part of me go. Especially the part that clung onto old loves. I had too many memories of …

bathtub shot

CASSY’S SUPERPOWER

“Do you believe in the supernatural, Dean?” This is what Cassy asked me as we sat in a train to the city or whatever. “What do you mean? Like spirits and stuff?” “No…” she said, putting her phone down on her lap. “As in, like, superpowers.” “Like the Avengers?” “Like the Avengers.” “No, I don’t believe in that.” “Well you …

harold placed a camera in your bathroom

PLEASE FORGIVE HAROLD

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.

lauren pretending to take her friends advice seriously

LAUREN RESPECTS HER FRIENDS

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.

charlie did something to your coffee - drawing

SHIT COFFEE, COMING RIGHT UP!

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.

stripping it all away

STRIPPING EVERYTHING AWAY

And my mind was muddled so I asked Christie to help me out. “Here,” she said, pointing to a spot next to her. I sat down. “Close your eyes.” I closed my eyes, and I waited, and just before I began to ask Christie what I was doing she put her hand on my lap. She told me to breathe …

suzie is texting something racist about her uber driver

SUZIE TEXTING ABOUT HER UBER DRIVER

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.

the chant of the penises

THE CHANT OF THE PENISES

Life would be a lot happier if our penises didn’t get in the way. Penises are like that vegetarian friend of yours who always attends your birthday gatherings — even though it’s inconvenient, you have to go out of your way to make sure they’re happy. This is when I told my good looking friend about the Chant of the …

youll never find this joy in prison

YOU’LL NEVER FIND THIS MUCH JOY IN PRISON

your boss about to shit on your day

YOUR BOSS ABOUT TO MAKE SMILES ON YOUR DAY

looking out from a window towards shibuya

THE LITTLE MAN WHO TELLS YOU THINGS

I was drinking Sapporro Beer with Christie in a hotel room. “You know, it’s fine to drink with someone you’re already with, but what annoys me is why we have to drink with people we’re interested in with the sole purpose of getting them drunk enough so we can get dirty with them. Why don’t we just say, up front, …

carl after anal

CARL AFTER ANAL

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.

poor people making you feel guilty

POOR PEOPLE PLOTTING TO MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.

your girlfriend filling in a survey drawing

YOUR GIRLFRIEND FILLING IN A SURVEY

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.

boners riding a magical horse

RIDING INTO THE SUNSET

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.

9 orders of angels - source Wikipedia

THE ANGEL WITH FOUR FACES

I wanted to write about angels but I couldn’t do it. Christie spent about two hours talking to me about angels. She spoke about the hierarchy of angels, how there’s the Seraphim, whose jobs are to continually worship God and who will only ever reveal themselves to humans if God is present, and then you get angels like the Cherubim, …

a boner planning a way to ruin sams priesthood

IT ALWAYS GETS IN THE WAY OF SAM’S PLANS

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.

Jeff-just-discovered-all-of-his-girlfriends-flaws

SHOULD’VE TURNED THE LIGHTS ON, JEFF

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.

you smell funny and no one will ever tell you quote

YOU SMELL FUNNY AND NO ONE WILL EVER TELL YOU

Find more drawings on Instagram: @deanblakeauthor.  

madman in the mirror

MADMAN IN THE MIRROR

The quality of my writing started to drop at the same time the quality of my life started to increase. I hadn’t had alcohol or drugs in months. I had found God. I was in a stable relationship. I regularly exercised. I took protein shakes. I hadn’t masturbated in over sixty days and whenever I caught myself in the mirror …

crazy wendy racist rant

OH, WENDY!

billy cant read - drawing

BILLY LIKES TO HOLD BOOKS

drawing - rocky the dog has your nudes

ROCKY LOVES YOU SO MUCH

clouds and tim tams

DELICIOUS TIM TAMS

As I parked my car and as the sky shut its light and as the world closed its door ever so slightly I found myself adrift, both internally and externally, whatever the hell that means. I was confused. No, I wasn’t confused, I was muddled. My mind was fog. I was walking in every shitty direction and ending up nowhere. …

drawing - never keeping promises

RICKY PROMISES TO ALWAYS BE HONEST

drawing - woman giving her daughter an ipad

KIM IS A GOOD PARENT

gold everywhere

GOLD EVERYWHERE

“There’s a beautiful piece of corn in every big pile of shit.” This is what a homeless guy told me. I’d been hanging out with a lot of homeless people lately, especially since I started working in the city. There are homeless people everywhere in the city. I have a number of favourites. There’s this one guy with a beard …

happy valentines loneliness sketch

HAPPY VAGENE DAY

Teddy Bear frowning

TEDDY AIN’T AFRAID

keith vs heroin addict you

KEITH VS YOU

harry in the toilet

HARRY LOVES WONDER WOMAN

carmen getting angry

CARMEN GETTING ANGRY

Light bulb ufo - visits from annabelle

VISITS FROM ANNABELLE

Annabelle’s boyfriend had left her so for a while, she became my best friend. Sometimes she’d come over at eight, or at midnight, or at two in the morning, or at noon when I wasn’t even at home. “Tell me,” she said, “why are men so cruel?” She never got used to how much food I didn’t have. She came …

brian is a racist

BRIAN IS OPEN FOR RACISM

_ Find more on Instagram