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Light bulb ufo - visits from annabelle

VISITS FROM ANNABELLE

Annabelle’s boyfriend had left her so for a while, she became my best friend. Sometimes she’d come over at eight, or at midnight, or at two in the morning, or at noon when I wasn’t even at home. “Tell me,” she said, “why are men so cruel?” She never got used to how much food I didn’t have. She came …

brian is a racist

BRIAN IS OPEN FOR RACISM

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this little puppy just realised hes an asshole

HE HAD TO FIND OUT ONE DAY

this cute little bear has been living in your bum

THIS EXPLAINS THE TINGLES

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the word rectum

IT GROWS ON YOU

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ALIENS ARE IN THE AFTERLIFE

The most beautiful thing I’ve seen in my life was a sunrise when I was eighteen years old. It was in Noosa, and it was four in the morning, and the sea looked like crumpled pastel crayons. The most beautiful song I’ve ever heard was a song whose title I’ll never know, whose tune I’ll never remember: all I’d told …

TIM IS RUSHING HOME

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THE PROBABILITY OF DYING ALONE

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STAN AIN’T YOUR FRIEND

THE AFTERLIFE OF THE AFTERLIFE

“You know,” she smiled slightly, starting to say something but then stopping — her mind drifted somewhere, to some man or drama maybe. “You know what?” “The afterlife, eternity… like, even when people talk about afterlife and eternity. It scares me.” “It scares me too.” Vail exhaled smoke from her nostrils as she killed her cigarette. She texted someone something …

RICKY CAN’T WAIT…

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STRANGERS AND SUNSETS

“People are yearning to be spoken to. They put on these faces and they complain all the time, but in the end people are so desperate for a stranger to come up to them and speak to them.” “As long as the stranger is good looking and not a crazy homeless person, right?” Christie ignored this. We were driving, up …

RICHARD LIVES A HARD LIFE

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PUBERTY! PUBERTY! PUBERTY!

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POOR PEOPLE ARE SO ANNOYING

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I SPOTTED ONE, MUMMY!

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TOMMY FINALLY GETS IT

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LAUREN IS SO LOVING

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KEVIN’S BEST IS NEVER ENOUGH

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EVERYONE LISTEN TO JEFF. JEFF HAS A VLOG.

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NUMBERS DON’T LIE

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THE WINDOW

The first great short story I ever wrote was written in a small room in a small apartment in Singapore, and it was so hot in there that I’d constantly be drenched in sweat. There was no air con, and all I had was this square window – that window, that stupid window! You’d open it and all it would …

JAMES AND SAMANTHA <3

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HANK’S SPECIAL SAUCE IS DELICIOUS!

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GAMBLING IS FUN!

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ANDREW THE DOLPHIN AIN’T INNOCENT

DUMB DAISY

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KEVIN’S TONGUE HAS BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH

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LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT

Four years ago I was angry at love because it hadn’t turned out how I wanted it to turn out. It wasn’t constant roses. It wasn’t a dream picked from the stars. It was jealousy, and yelling, and money, and hanging up the phone. I travelled with Donnie, a boxer, to this laser light show in Adelaide somewhere, and he’d …

IT’S NOT THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING CODY

DAMMIT CHILDHOOD TRAUMA

Sorry I was late again today, babe. The realities of life got in the way.

CONVERSATION WITH THE SKY

  “What’s your worst secret?” Jude asked Graham. “Tell me, don’t be shy.” “I have none.” “Tell me your secret!” Graham slumped to the side, trying to wave Jude away. “I steal! I steal!” “The hell you mean you steal?” Graham’s eyes were closed, but by the way he was raising his eyebrows you could tell he was trying to …

CATHERINE IS GENTLE

HECTOR THE DONUT IS A DICK

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BUSTY WOMEN WHO SWALLOW SWORDS

Christie and I watched LIMBO UNHINGED, this burlesque show in the Spiegeltent during the Brisbane Festival. What I remember most was Heather Holliday: this beautiful, curvy lady with lots of tattoos who put all sorts of things in her throat and pulled them back out. One of the first things she put down her throat was a sword of some …

WORLD LEADERS ARE THE BEST

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THEY’RE ALWAYS OUT TO GET YOU

IT FINALLY ARRIVED!

THE PURPOSE OF VAIL

The scene started off like this: Vail and I were on Jude’s balcony, and the sun had been down for a while and Vail, wearing something black, was humming something I didn’t recognise. “It’s so, so easy to do what’s easy,” she said. “That’s why it’s called easy.” Vail said nothing to that. She looked out, at the traffic. I …

A TERRORIST FILLING IN HIS ONLINE DATING PROFILE

AMY’S FAMILY

PEDRO NEEDS TO UP HIS GAME

THEY DESERVE THIS HAPPINESS

SPOT THE REFUGEE

JUDE’S GIRLFRIEND

“My girlfriend has a gut,” Jude told me in the car, “and the idiot, she doesn’t realise it. She keeps drinking, she keeps eating crap and putting photos of what she eats on Instagram. But she sleeps without her top on, so lately I’ve been videotaping her stomach as she sleeps, her gut just getting bigger and shrinking, getting bigger …

GREG IS BRAVE

I’VE HAD IT WITH YOU MR SADNESS

I’ve had it with you, Mr Sadness, with your damp eyes and your bloody nose and your sad, sad acoustic soundtrack. I’ve had it with the sporadic loneliness, the dread and the anger. I’m over this. Tomorrow I’ll go online and find me a new lover. A lover with sunlight and cool winds and upbeat music. A lover who socialises …

PEDRO IS AT IT AGAIN

CHRIS DESPERATELY WANTS TO CHEAT ON HIS WIFE

CRUMBLING APARTMENT WALLS

I wanted to tell her about a lot of things: how I wanted to kiss her in front of a zoo, how I hated the loneliness, how I wanted to face my fears yet flee for them – but I’d been told, repeatedly, that happiness could never be found by obsessing over oneself but that instead you had to give …