OLD MAN JEFF
Old Man Jeff is this old guy I talk to who hates money. I caught him the other day, burning a five dollar bill. “Don’t burn that!” I said, snatching the bill from him and immediately placing it in my pocket. “You burning any more of these?” “Gimme that back,” he said. “No.” The old man, who was normally gentle …
HOW TO BE HAPPY: THE 80/20 PRINCIPLE
Lately I’ve been trying, with much laziness and distraction, to conquer depression—to not only conquer it, but to brutally torture and murder it with repeated and frightening strikes of joy and laughter. One exercise I gathered from reading The 80/20 Principle was to think of the things that made me happy, and to spend more time and effort on those …
I’M BACK
Some time ago I became consumed by stress so I quit my job and promised to finally work on my next book. But before finally working on my next book I travelled, and when I returned home from travelling I promised to finally work on my next book. But when I returned home from travelling I took on a part …
HOW TO COMFORT PEOPLE WHEN YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO COMFORT PEOPLE
I committed the next three months to not drinking alcohol. What I miss about alcohol is how much easier life gets when you drink it. With alcohol, it’s easier to embarrass yourself, it’s easier to make friends, it’s easier to laugh, it’s easier to hug people and it’s so much easier to get away with doing the things you’ve always …
YOU’RE GETTING OLD AND THIS IS HOW YOU’LL DEAL WITH IT
It was with great disappointment that I found myself at peace. I hadn’t been clubbing in years, and I refused to go, so instead I drove Vail to the clubs and just sat in my car, in the Valley, on floor five of the parking lot or something, and making sure all my windows were closed I looked out towards …
THE ANGEL WITH FOUR FACES
I wanted to write about angels but I couldn’t do it. Christie spent about two hours talking to me about angels. She spoke about the hierarchy of angels, how there’s the Seraphim, whose jobs are to continually worship God and who will only ever reveal themselves to humans if God is present, and then you get angels like the Cherubim, …
ALIENS ARE IN THE AFTERLIFE
The most beautiful thing I’ve seen in my life was a sunrise when I was eighteen years old. It was in Noosa, and it was four in the morning, and the sea looked like crumpled pastel crayons. The most beautiful song I’ve ever heard was a song whose title I’ll never know, whose tune I’ll never remember: all I’d told …
SUPER POWER MEDITATION
People try all sorts of things to get rid of their woes. Sometimes they try alcohol, sometimes they try meditation. “The worst form of meditation is masturbation meditation,” Jude told me. “You think that when you masturbate, you’ll be in a constant state of bliss, but you won’t be. Firstly you’ll always want to change the video you’re watching, …