DRINKING WINE ON A BALCONY BEFORE CHRISTMAS

“Have you ever spoken to God on Christmas?” This is what Christie asked me as we sat on my couch on my balcony. It was some time in the evening, and beyond us, beyond the railing, were buildings and trees and lights, and beyond that was the city, and beyond that was the universe, and beyond that was time, and …

FIRST DINNER WITH CAROL

And then I ruined it all by saying, “I don’t want a relationship”. You shrugged and said, “That’s exactly what the previous guy said,” and you told me about this guy you met on Tinder who was in a long distance relationship. You told me that he was a decent guy with a pretty good body and pretty big dick, …

DINNER AT MY PLACE

For some reason I was thinking of high school during the first time Carol had dinner at my place. I was thinking of how my classmates and I would always look out of the windows, at the cars passing us, hoping that someone would be doing something sexual. We spent hours in silence, our eyes scanning for a girl giving …

Book Recommendations / Book Suggestions

These books have shaped me in one way or another. In a way, these books may shape you, too. So read them at your own risk. Norwegian Wood By Haruki Murakami. I read this when I was freshly dumped and overseas, on my own. Murakami writes a lot of weird shit, but Norwegian Wood seems to be one of his …

CHRISTMAS IS COMING

Christmas is about family. Christmas is about being alone. Christmas is about gifts, and food, and handjobs and blowjobs and an uncle who is too drunk, and a friend who is too drunk, and the heat in one country and the blistering cold in another country and a shared moon that kind of hangs over everything: it hides in some …

Surface Children is now out on iBookstore and Barnes & Noble

Here’s some news, people. My book of short stories, Surface Children, is now out on the iBookstore for people with Apple devices, as well as other bookstores such as Barnes&Noble. Download it here for iBooks and here for Barnes&Noble.

PART 1: DRIVING ONE MILLION HOURS TO REACH HOME

“Life will kick you in the balls, and when it realises you don’t have balls it’ll kick you in the pussy,” Jason laughed, even if what he said wasn’t funny. Jason is my childhood friend. He’s stocky and angry looking and something about his face makes him look racist. We were in his kitchen, talking, and he was drinking beer …

ANNA AND THE BREAKUP

One day I might stop writing about this bullshit. One day I might settle down with one woman. One day, when that woman decides to eventually stop showing me her vagina and I realise that I’m stuck with the same job and the same person for the rest of my life I’ll write a children’s fantasy novel. Or a crime …

HERE ARE 10 THINGS I MISS ABOUT YOU

. . . 1. YOUR SMALL TITS 2. YOUR FLAT ARSE 3. YOUR BIG THIGHS 4. YOUR PRETTY FACE 5. YOUR INFINITE SMILE 6. HOW YOU SHAVE YOUR ARMS 7. YOUR MONEY 8. HOW YOU ALWAYS GAVE WHAT YOU HAD (WE THOUGHT YOU WERE A DAMN SAINT) 9. THE FOURTH TIME I MET YOU 10. YOU MADE ME BELIEVE I …

PAIN

The pain began a couple of weeks after Mandy and I broke up. It was a pain that was completely middle class and it was a pain that I was familiar with and it was a pain that pissed me off. She gave me back everything that I’d given her, and I deleted her number and completely cut her off. …