ANAL

Things I liked out about Anna: she loved The Weeknd, she loved mixing music and had a following online, she brought Surface Children with her wherever she went, she regularly bought her parents dinner. Things that annoyed me: she secretly loved chaos, she loved destruction, she enjoyed the drama in walking away from the flames. I walked out of work …

THAT PLACE BY THE BEACH

   

HERE ARE 10 THINGS I MISS ABOUT YOU

. . . 1. YOUR SMALL TITS 2. YOUR FLAT ARSE 3. YOUR BIG THIGHS 4. YOUR PRETTY FACE 5. YOUR INFINITE SMILE 6. HOW YOU SHAVE YOUR ARMS 7. YOUR MONEY 8. HOW YOU ALWAYS GAVE WHAT YOU HAD (WE THOUGHT YOU WERE A DAMN SAINT) 9. THE FOURTH TIME I MET YOU 10. YOU MADE ME BELIEVE I …

ENDING IT WITH MANDY

Mandy and I had a fight right after coming home from one of my book signings. She yelled and I yelled but to be honest, none of the things that came out of our mouths were actually new. We fought about what we always fought about: money. We (she) decided then and there to end it, and I walked over …

OUTSIDE THE BALCONY

Break up a bit after Easter. Lost for a while. Happy for a while. Nothing much for a while longer. April comes. Excel at work. Make a few thousand dollars. Make a few friends. Meet a few people. Learn a few new songs. Nearly complete a book. Look at photos. Buy food alone. Buy clothes alone. Buy alcohol alone. Watch …

EVERYTHING ALWAYS ENDS UP IN YOUR BATHROOM

Life has been stupid lately. I was hired by the luxury car dealership to be their copywriter/designer/marketing person/driver, and as I happily accepted their offer and happily accepted their stable pay slips everything else outside my working life began to deteriorate: I wrote less, I saw friends less, I boxed less, I woke up at five in the morning every …

VALENTINE’S DAY LETTER

Well, picture this. The year is like, two thousand fifty or three thousand fifty or whatever, and the world is still the same old bullshit that it is. There are still cars that go on the road, and like, your bedroom, the one at the far corner of the house, is still a mess. It still has that strange smell …

A SHORT STORY, JUST FOR YOU

I’ve been flicking through some of my old stuff lately. Here’s a short story I wrote a few years ago, which I thought I’d share with you:   The easiest part about it was that she didn’t love him. They didn’t meet in a bar. They met at a party, through friends of friends and they shook hands and introduced …