Artistic eye background - love

BURNING ALL EX-GIRLFRIEND MEMORIES

I used to be a hoarder. I used to never want to let go of anything. Whenever time would try to drag something away from me, I’d pull onto it for my dear life. The other day, I decided to let that part of me go. Especially the part that clung onto old loves. I had too many memories of …

bathtub shot

CASSY’S SUPERPOWER

“Do you believe in the supernatural, Dean?” This is what Cassy asked me as we sat in a train to the city or whatever. “What do you mean? Like spirits and stuff?” “No…” she said, putting her phone down on her lap. “As in, like, superpowers.” “Like the Avengers?” “Like the Avengers.” “No, I don’t believe in that.” “Well you …

the chant of the penises

THE CHANT OF THE PENISES

Life would be a lot happier if our penises didn’t get in the way. Penises are like that vegetarian friend of yours who always attends your birthday gatherings — even though it’s inconvenient, you have to go out of your way to make sure they’re happy. This is when I told my good looking friend about the Chant of the …

FORGIVING THE BAD PEOPLE

“Have you ever read the Book of Jonah?” Christie asked me. “The guy who got swallowed by a whale?” “The prophet who was swallowed by a fish.” “No, I haven’t.” “Well,” Christie said with a slight smile on her face, “Jonah was a prophet who kept running away from God. God asked Jonah to do something, but then Jonah ran …

THE PERFUMED GARDEN

“Dude, you’re wrong. You need to read The Perfumed Garden.” This is what a friend said when I ignorantly asked him if Muslims were always so conservative about sexuality. Instead of actually reading the The Perfumed Garden and coming up with my own opinions about it, I Googled it and found this summary: “Written between 1410 and 1434 for a …

LAST DINNER WITH CAROL

I’ve been writing about Carol for thousands of years now, and tonight will be the last time you hear about her. I’d only promised to write about eight dinners, you see, and you’re probably sick of her by now, and you’re probably wondering what the hell I’ve been up to. What the hell have I been up to? The last …

HOPES AND FEARS FOR 2016

Carol took a sip of her drink. “My only wish is that I find good music this year. I mean the music in two thousand fifteen was great, and like, I really got into Spotify and Pandora and that, but like, I mean, The Weeknd’s album was pretty good, but really, I wanted more, you know? Do you ever get …

CHRISTMAS IS COMING

Christmas is about family. Christmas is about being alone. Christmas is about gifts, and food, and handjobs and blowjobs and an uncle who is too drunk, and a friend who is too drunk, and the heat in one country and the blistering cold in another country and a shared moon that kind of hangs over everything: it hides in some …

PART 6: GOING HOME

There are some days when I have great dreams and there are some days when I have no dreams at all. Once, when I was a kid, I lay in bed, fantasising about becoming a magician. I thought about how I was going to become the greatest magician in the world and how much sex I was going to get …

Surface Children is now out on iBookstore and Barnes & Noble

Here’s some news, people. My book of short stories, Surface Children, is now out on the iBookstore for people with Apple devices, as well as other bookstores such as Barnes&Noble. Download it here for iBooks and here for Barnes&Noble.